Maria Constance Duke

b. June 1994

I am 31 now, and as I’ve gotten older, I have been thinking a lot about community and wanting to stay in one place for a little while. Frisbee has been my go-to way of making friends in new cities. I was in D.C. my first two years out of college, and then LA. In New York, I joined a club team, and that’s how I made most of my close friends.

When I was in D.C. playing frisbee, pronoun circles were starting to be a thing. It was new enough that a lot of people didn’t really know what they were. It was a lot of people being like, “she/her, I guess,” and giggling. It didn’t really feel helpful, because the one person that maybe isn’t presenting the way that you would think someone who was assigned their gender would, they’re the only person who’s going to say something unexpected, and it kind of feels shitty.

I intellectually feel like gender is a construct, so I started saying she/they to be more inclusive; I am totally cool with people using they/them pronouns for me. It felt right, and so that’s where I have been at with it for a while. People don’t use they/them pronouns very often about me, as far as I know, although with pronouns, the whole thing is that people are talking about you, not to you. Calling myself a cis woman doesn’t exactly feel right.

When people use they/them pronouns for me, it feels very affirming, because I have a lot of impostor syndrome around my queer identity in general, being bisexual and coming out quite late in life. I think I could have talked this stuff through in college, and now I am kind of removed from circles where people are talking through these things.

I think, because I am relatively privileged gender-wise, in that the way that I present is not challenging to people or it doesn’t make people feel uncomfortable, I am very happy to educate people about it. I would so much rather me doing it than someone who identifies as trans.

I think I feel a lot more comfortable in my gender wearing a frisbee uniform. When I am outside of it, I have a harder time knowing what I want to wear or dress in. For formal events, like weddings, I have a lot of trouble finding clothes that feel gender-affirming to me.

The community is so accepting of my sexuality and gender. It has always been really affirming to be around a lot of other queer people, and queer women in particular. I am in very straight spaces for work and otherwise, so it’s always been really nice to walk into that.

Everyone’s like, “Oh, it’s such a cheap sport because all you need is a disc and cleats.” To a certain extent, yes, but when you’re playing club, you’re traveling a good amount and paying for tournaments and meals out. If you’re injury-prone, you’re paying for that. I am in a pretty precarious state because I am a freelancer. I am on Medicaid and no longer have access to PT because I went to 12 sessions and that’s all they’ll pay for.

There were a lot of years, especially earlier on, where I was making 25 or 30k a year. It’s really hard to play club frisbee when you’re making that little money. My cleats bag was stolen earlier this week, and I had to buy new cleats. That’s the money that I have this month to spend on stuff that’s fun. It’s just going to frisbee. I am happy to spend the money that I do make on frisbee but it’s always a thing that I have to really take into consideration.